My Doping Agent

Sometimes, in fact, many times, I get afflicted by this block. I am unable to write. Not that I have any dearth of ideas, or the world is bereft of issues, just that at times, I am unable to explore a single thought or idea to a greater length, which may be worthy enough for a rhythmical assortment of prose or rhyming delicacy of verses. It feels like my proverbial pen is although full with ink of inspiration, but my hands unable to print those inspirations to paper. 

At such times, my mind is completely ‘blank’, much like an un-doped “semiconductor”. The semiconductor material has both holes and electron holes, but they still can’t conduct electricity because they are in equilibrium-[thermal equilibrium]. From my vague memory of physics teacher’s lessons in school days, I recall that they have all these positive [holes] and negative [electrons] charges ‘running’ haywire and effectively cancelling all the charge and velocities, making it incapable of conducting current. Similarly, my mind has multiple thoughts, but all running in different directions, in a haywire manner [therefore, overall, a blank mind]; and as soon as an ‘impurity’ strikes, the thoughts get aligned in one direction [a la doping of semiconductor material], and thoughts are conducted through this blog as a post. 

Despite various attempts, I was unable to decipher the characteristics of these ‘impurities’ that suddenly align my thoughts, and I open my macbook and conduct them to the world. In fact, sometimes, the impurities have been so strong [n-type, intrinsic] that I have written some essay-type posts around just one thought. And sometimes, the impurities are extrinsic [p-type] that I am able to combine various thoughts into a single meaningful assortment of proses or verses. Only this characteristic of those “impurities”, I was  able to demystify previously. Beyond this, I had no idea of the characteristic of these “impurities” or doping agents. 

I used to wonder if they depended on the posture I take while sitting. I mean if I sit upright, thoughts are running haywire, as soon as I lie down, I am able to align thoughts. But how many times can you really lie down in a day, without sleeping? Then I wonder, if they depended on the way I sleep. The most liked post on this blog i.e.  Mother English came to me when I was trying to sleep diagonally on my bed and was engaged in a schizophrenic dialogue. I instantaneously woke up and just started writing. Then I wondered whether they come from what I eat. Whenever I eat one meal a day, instead of my regular one and a half,  I get blogging ideas. This post Currently Reading  struck me during one such day. 

Somehow, I have now figured out about my doping agents aka “impurities” that take my mind to a high of aligned thoughts. I am now certain that whenever the pain becomes unbearable, I talk to the blog, and to the readers through the blog. And the thought during that hour is elevated to the status of a blog post. Right now, I am afflicted from the block too. I must wait for a greater tide of pain to strike back. In oceans of suffering, where I pilot my life’s ship, there is no dearth of tides of pain. 


About Rahul

Read my blog to discover me.
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