August 18, 2014 – August 24, 2014
The 21st day of August, which happened to fall in Week 10, marked one year of my living in this country. Living and working. Living, working and reading. Living, working, reading and walking. My enthusiasm hasn’t waned, and my spirits are higher than before, and I have learnt so much in last one year that I cannot recompensate it with all the learnings of all the previous years of existence.
The country has been kind to me. I have been trying to assimilate well in its culture by learning its language and acquiring taste for its delicacies, which represent curious marriage of Chinese, Indian and Malay culinary art. There have been various phases, through which I went, throughout the year. Some phases lasted for months, while some were so demanding that even though they lasted for a day, I still recall them. I recall that evening when I discovered a truth that forever set me apart from my hopes. The evening is unforgettable and it would take more than a lifetime to extirpate it from landscape of my memories. The heart sank much lower than its normal that day and mind went into a frenzy. The perfect condition for building up of cyclone that later wreaked havoc within my body.
In the one year, I inculcated a curious habit or character in myself. The character that doesn’t know future or sees future at all, that is not interested in future at all. The character that is concerned about NOW and HERE. It doesn’t want to know what lies beyond the horizon. Earlier, I was of a constitution which made me “decide” my next few years or at least a trajectory. However, a silent revolution happened within the mind and the soul, the futuristic constitution was replaced with a pragmatic, realistic and real-ambitious constitution that restricts my glance beyond the horizon, while making me enjoy, harness, utilise and cover the huge field lying before the horizon and that lies right in front of me. The new constitution serves the need of my current life and current circumstances. I am trying to make this field greener. This field is more fertile, certain and pregnant with opportunities. I have, in all probability, left the pursuit of what lies beyond my glance, for now I am running to make hay from every mile of the field that appears before me. The new constitution demands that I attach no fruits to my actions, however my actions are not all “intentionalist”. They lie somewhere determined by both intentions who originate them and the consequences, into which they may evolve in immediate future. The phrase “long-term planning”, in my dictionary, now refers to the planning of utilising what I have in hand to pursue what I have in heart. Earlier, it was about gaining something in future to evolve a greater future.
The one year opened me to new possibilities, to explore the untested, unexamined and the unconquered. It permanently ended a longing. It permanently ended a heart throbbing. It permanently ended a part of me before ensuing creation of a new more confident self of mine. It ended the part that felt. It ended the part that would form opinions, judgments and biases. It permanently ended the part that was wilfully ignorant. It ended the part that was racist, prejudiced and exclusivist. It ended the part that thought love and relationships as matters that keep us going. I realised that the man keeps going – no matter what – and those who stop, look back or try to gather attention of those who moved on – are fools. It made me objective, detached and much more open to challenges – of different opinions, different cultures, different tastes, different pursuits, and different meanings and interpretations. I, now, do not seek to coalesce with “like-minded individuals”.
Cheers to many more such years!
The week went by in such thoughts. Reflecting and thinking, thinking and reflecting, of course, in nice company of some inventions, some books and some beer!