Week 15: With enervating heart

September 22, 2014 – September 28, 2014

The week went by with heart sunk deep amongst enervating nerves. It felt uninspired many times during the week. Particularly, on the Wednesday and the Friday. My mother has often asked me for whom am I doing what I am doing, for whom is all of my hard work, and for whom or for what purpose I continue to dream of expanding my work. I have always answered her as,”For me.”

This “for me” does take me to a trip. Only at times. A trip to the desert of despair, having harsh climate of piercing questions enquiring my purpose and central motto of my life. When I decide to live “for me”, am I being selfish? Can the life not be lived for one’s own sake and be vapourised too-for one’s own sake? All such enervations came haunting to me. I couldn’t pick a book to read or gather passion to continue writing the story.

However, these were only lows of the week. Highs of the week were new inventions that I came across. Human ingenuity and craving to beat the past – work or record or memory or technology – has always left me impressed. A few inventions were particularly interesting, especially those with application in oil and gas. Though these inventions did leave me wondering on the business models of these inventors and such businesses, but their ingenuity prima facie was impressive, but it is after I conduct a thorough analysis of their invention and technology, would I be able to ascertain or ascribe or attribute “genuine ingenuity” on them. This is a little difficult task and while I do so, I often get better informed about general technology and methods in a certain field of art. 

The enervating heart took a rest on Sunday. It did not stop enervating, but suddenly the thoughts of the new week filled it up with some passion, something more to look forward to and brush the botherings that were bothering me under one of the several mesh of neural network that runs in my body. That’s how it is. Uncertain future may be weaker than a glorious past but it is certainly stronger than a hopeless present.

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About Rahul

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2 Responses to Week 15: With enervating heart

  1. David Emeron says:

    At this strange time of year, I find myself wanting to reach out to people. This has been a year of many surprises and changes. I hope you are well and that you are enjoying some much needed time off.

    • Rahul says:

      Hi David, Thank you very much for your kind comments. These days, I have been travelling a lot. I am well. Thanks for your concern and enjoying the travel as of now. I will soon be back with my musings. A very Happy New Year to you and your wife!

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