I feel overwrought these days. Not quite certain of what my mind is up to. It goes from one extreme to another like a pendulum in motion. I spent 72 hours without sleeping last week. I worked like a workhorse. When bored of work, I would devour the books. When bored of books, I would devour myself by standing in the balcony, trying to find something worthwhile to devour. I never did sleep for 72 hours or may be more because I went to work the next day and only slept, once I came back from work in the evening, and only slept for 3-4 hours before I woke up again to devour myself.
It feels that if I sleep, I will miss on to something. I will be left behind while the world will leap forward. That it will accumulate more knowledge, more love, more friends, more relationships, more wealth, more of everything while I will be left behind. I feel it actually has left me way behind. After months, I am again starting to have this phobia of losing out to world. While I crave to keep pace with world, at the same time everything appears superficial and everyone appears a cheat. My cynicism and my contradictions rest only when I write some silly poems or posts like these. I wonder if I should bother my readers with such distasteful personal state of being but I have no other vent.
The heart has sunk deep somewhere in the ribs and the ribs are shattered like a roof shattered in – a state of an absolute ruin. The only relief is that I am yet not seeing any images or listening any sounds, if one doesn’t count the sound and spectacle of vast emptiness that dances obscenely before my eyes all the time.