I feel overwrought these days. Not quite certain of what my mind is up to. It goes from one extreme to another like a pendulum in motion. I spent 72 hours without sleeping last week. I worked like a workhorse. When bored of work, I would devour the books. When bored of books, I would devour myself by standing in the balcony, trying to find something worthwhile to devour. I never did sleep for 72 hours or may be more because I went to work the next day and only slept, once I came back from work in the evening, and only slept for 3-4 hours before I woke up again to devour myself.
It feels that if I sleep, I will miss on to something. I will be left behind while the world will leap forward. That it will accumulate more knowledge, more love, more friends, more relationships, more wealth, more of everything while I will be left behind. I feel it actually has left me way behind. After months, I am again starting to have this phobia of losing out to world. While I crave to keep pace with world, at the same time everything appears superficial and everyone appears a cheat. My cynicism and my contradictions rest only when I write some silly poems or posts like these. I wonder if I should bother my readers with such distasteful personal state of being but I have no other vent.
The heart has sunk deep somewhere in the ribs and the ribs are shattered like a roof shattered in – a state of an absolute ruin. The only relief is that I am yet not seeing any images or listening any sounds, if one doesn’t count the sound and spectacle of vast emptiness that dances obscenely before my eyes all the time.
it’s the same with me too………….and thank you for sharing it…..
I hope you come out of this.