So, we have lost a person, who stimulated people across countries, religions, races and languages to laugh and enjoy this mostly meaningless, nearly catastrophic and almost chaotic world. The person goes by the name of Robin Williams. The agent of laughter was lost to depression, which manifested itself in form of suicide, which came through asphyxiation, which he achieved by hanging himself. I empathise with his depression, and somehow, I can relate to his “brave act” of committing suicide.
I have fought my own demons over last more than 2 years. I am still fighting them. I fight them every day. I will perhaps fight them until I die, or perhaps I will start ignoring them, which doesn’t come easy. While we continue to guard ourselves against external aggression from other humans, we, somehow, neglect the fact that our own life is greatest threat to our own life. Our past is the only barrier to our glorious but uncertain future, it is the only hindrance and it is the only weapon that can slay us despite all the guards that we may employ.
For the people in depression, being awake is painful. To remain awake is a challenge, and to get a sound sleep is a contest, between two unknown and unfathomable realms of darkness. To drag oneself through mundanities and meaninglessness of world around is just not worth the pain of being awake. To sleep is the cure of depression, well that’s what medical fraternity believes in, and that’s what mostly relaxes a depressed person. In November of 2012, I had consulted a psychiatrist-doctor, in hope of seeking cure of my depression. The doctor prescribed me sedatives. and nothing else, just to induce sleep and to relax the trenches in my excitement level, which had gone much below the normal. Even though, I have largely recovered from the depression, though only 2-3 months ago, I now find this world and its people nothing more than figment of my imagination. Not that I suffer from any neurotic disorder, but I now have general disdain for world, and nothing else. My depression has manifested itself mostly in seeking solitude, reading books, working diligently, and writing blogs.
Robin Williams fought his demons for far too long. He was an exceptional human being with a gift to make people laugh, and therefore, his demons must also have been exceptional, that they couldn’t be cured by sleeping under effect of soporific drugs. He finally found his cure – to sleep forever. To judge him as a coward, would be a great disservice and disregard to this exceptional human being, who made us laugh despite all the depression in his personal space. To judge him as a coward, would also lead to underestimating the power of depression and to the depths it can plunge an otherwise normal human being.